Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
