It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
