Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
