the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
