You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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