FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
only you would photoshop your dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
