So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Congratulations! We have a period
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
