She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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