I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
