Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
