Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
