Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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