you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
