I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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