Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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