Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
