she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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