There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
