she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I puked a lego.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
