he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
