Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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