Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
