He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
