is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
