Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think people are normalizing furries
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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