She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
