Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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