In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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