on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
