Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
