just come out here and I will go home with you...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
