we made out on top of his cat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
