How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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