And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
