I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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