he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
