If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
