Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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