my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
