I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
