why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
