Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
