He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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