I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
