I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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