even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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