I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont even know how to be here
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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