If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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