she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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