Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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