I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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