Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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