ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
