that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I looked at my own cervix.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
