I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
