Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
