New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
