Will you blow on my dice?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
well you can't waste a boner
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
