yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Enjoy the penises
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
