Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
