if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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