the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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