so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
