well I can't set my house on fire every night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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