I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
