My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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