Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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