I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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