You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ruined the universe
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
