I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
