The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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