you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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