So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
