You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were destined to go to rehab together
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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